with regard to my last entry, erm.. rasa macam tak smart la.. as in not Specific, Measurable, Achievable (not literally ok..), Realis.. stop la.. tak SM jer.. Anyways, my hubby will be having his exams starting minggu depan.. Kuat sungguh studynya! kesian pun ada, harap2 berjaya la, insyaAllah..

anyways, cuaca agak sejuk la. tadi ke pasar, masyaAllah, setengah jam je, tp tangan kami berdenyut2 sebab kesejukan. cik abang sampai bukak kasut dlm kereta in hope to panaskan ibu jari.. nasib baik afnan steady jer.. hairan pulak time2 winter nie, buah2an kt pasar tu murah2 je. e.g 10 biji apple/oranges for £1. strawberries 4 punnets for £1, pear la.. byk lagi. dan 2 minggu lepas dpt 1 tray apple (dekat 30 biji) for £1.. tp bila difikirkan balik byk2 sangat pun buat apa kan, membazir kalau tak boleh habis dlm 1 minggu.

i have also been surveying for places to go this summer. teringin nak ke amsterdam naik mini cruise tu tp quite costly la kalau nak g weekends, plus there's additional charges with the ferry if you want to stay an extra night (wpun bukan tido dlm ferry tu pun) nak kena book hotel lagi bla.. bla.. tengok la nanti how it goes. cik abang nak pusing2 uk je.. sebabnya tak habis pusing lg.. hehehhee.. itu la, kehendak hati banyak sangat tp onkos limited... nak balik msia lagi raya nie.. oh airasia sila la buat sale cepat! silap tak book hr tu, sangat teragak2.. tak pe, insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki dpt murah skit. kalau tak pun still airasia jgk sbbnya dah compare with a few other airlines and airasia plg murah. and i highlight this everytime; afnan will be paying full price ticket so.. i sound like a kedekut mom.. ngeh..ngeh.. apa2 je la kan..

well, when it comes to my daughter, i do try to get her whatever her heart desires. that includes a push car. she has one back in malaysia, and she still likes it. once in Asda she stopped at the toys alley and cried 'mama, mama!' when she sees a push car. something that i could never ever forget. the brand new - no brand push car was steep (in my opinion) so i did not buy, which breaks my heart everytime i thought of her.. nak buat macamana.. so the only time that she would have any access to a push car is when we go over to k fatma's house and she plays with k fatma's kids (who happen to have a push car). anyways, just recently we bought a push car, finally (yeay!) and guess what? she would say 'hilman' everytime she's around her pushcar!!! hilman as in k fatma's son!!! i am sooooo sedihh... haruuuu sangat2.. nasib baik beli jugak pushcar tu...

lesson learnt? i felt like a lousy mom.. i always do.. what could i do? and i always, always feel guilty? kenapa??

welcome 2010

erm.. berjaya jugak menternak sawang yer.. yup its been a while..anyways, its 01-01-10.. I am going to be 29 this year and my precious lil' baby will be 2 in Feb. My dear hubby will also be 29.. alot of biggies are projected to happen this year.. my parents are coming, my 1st year transfer and insyaAllah we are planning to balik msia for raya, kalau ada rezeki..

on the other hand, 2010.. new year.. i was thinking while many wishes pouring in fb for a happy new year.. i dont really feel anything, partly because i was thinking hard about my resolution, what do i want to achieve this year. one thing for sure is my transfer of course. anyways, after much thought and consideration (knowing how 'good' i am at keeping up with resolutions) i would only have 1 resolution this year, which is, to be closer to Him.

that's it, but i am dead serious and i am thinking how can i achieve that and what would be the benchmark etc.. and with this 1 resolution i am certain i could achieve all other goals and targets.. thinking.. outlining.. signing off as i need some pen and papers..

week end

I dont know what has gotten into me. I have never been into cookware, set pinggan mangkuk and all the kitchen gadgets etc.. but since coming here, tefal la, royal doulton la. And these past couple of weeks (ye ke weeks, month kot.. ;p) I am head over heals over royal albert.. but the thing is, my dear hubby suka gak, TAPI, tak bagi pakai.. dia pun takut nak pakai.. geram pulak.. i would really want use it, ape kes simpan.. bila nak pakainya..

Anyways, enough about that. One of the reason why all I keep on thinking about that is because of my hectic schedule.. This past week was hectic.. Alhamdulillah we got through it, though i have had to korbankan 1 hari (hari ni) sebab cik abang sayang ada keje. Tak pe lah, satu hari je.. Hopefully I will not have to sacrifice anymore days away.. Memang satu kelemahan diri ini i.e. tak boleh buat keje kat rumah.. susah, no ambiance if you know what i mean..

Oh ye, something interesting about a course'Managing information for your PhD' semalam. they started it with 'what you brain type' quiz. turned out i am in between the 'maintaining' and 'priortizing' type, but after reading the descriptions, i am more of a maintaining. they even give you suggestions on how to enhance your style.. that's good.. and lagi satu belajar skit pasal EndNote.. superb and very useful software for writing up.. going to make sure that I set it up properly. dah guna masa 6th months report hari tu, but my transfer is coming... takuttt...

Anyways, i would like to start reading some stuff, but need to stratergize.. oh by the way, according to the course presenter, most of the previous phd students coming to the course are 'maintaining' but in that day it was half and half (maintaining/priortizing).. will elaborate later..

Tema - Sandarkan pada kenangan

Hmm.. ada masa sedikit terluang nie dan bertemakan 'Sandarkan pada kenangan' - bukan lagu Jamal tu je tau.. Bulan 12 ni banyak jugak tarikh2 istimewa buat ktorg..

3 December - Kira official anniversary la sebab tarikh akad nikah.. hehehhe..

4 December - selain birthday my bro, its our kenduri day.. hehehhe.. boleh tak, wpun Bangi vs Perlis, agak kejam jugak buat kenduri hari lain2... kesian rombongan Perlis bertanggak lama.. Nasib baik ada rumah SIL..

8 December - many2 years ago.. tarikh 'declare'.. kah kah kah... kelakar pulak bila ingat balik..

And since we are in the topic, I do feel like going down the memory lane.. Pics takda la, semua tinggal kt msia, apa yang ada hanyalah lukisan di kotak memori ku yang RAMnya tak berapa bagus.. huhu..

Anyways, mula kenal my dear hubby dari form 4 lg.. wah nak bilang pun tak cukup tangan dah nie.. hehehhe.. at post office mini in our school.. funny jugak, MRSM Beseri ada post office. Anyways, for some reason, he was there with his friends like helping out (???) Anyways, i remember that I wanted to send something in large envelop, so I wanted to know if it needed to be weighted.. dia pun blur jgk rupanya.. anyways throughout the incident i did not get to see his face (quite weird..) but the only thing that caught my eyes were his lovely smile... muntah.. muntah.. mcm gatal pulak.. but its true.. it was much much later that i found out that he noticed me wayyyy before that (event at post office) that was why he was the one who attended to me at the post office.. tarikh2 awal tu tak direkodkan.. hehehheehe..

There was a couple other things happen at school but amongg the most memorable one (with dates) would be when we had to susun meja (betul..) for faci things.. That is when in form 5, a few of us were selected (including us two) and paired (yup, us two) to sort of mentored new form 4 students.. so meja yang disusun tu tak ingat la untuk apa, but probably untuk pendaftaran something or other (1998.. ages ago..) the special date.. 14th february 1998.. romantic habis la kononnya, first time bertegur sapa.. hehehhe..

Anyways, fast forward to after SPM.. By the way, walaupun macam 'couple' throughout form 5 tu, tak penah la berdating2 ke apa. bertegur pun susah, almaklumlah sekolah asrama, takut kena blacklist.. hahahha.. notes2 yang dipas2kan oleh orang adalah... kalau lah boleh retrieve balik.. lawak2.. siap ada dapat bunga kertas lg bawah meja.. hahahahha...

Ok ok.. so after SPM, my dear hubby masuk matrik kpm bangi, and i kerja kt pizza hut warta (patah pinggang) then masuk matrik ukm kt kolej mara seremban, dia masih di bangi.. i remembered one day he and a few other budak maktab sort of crash KMS, ye la, datang lepak2 and siap lunch lagi.. hahahhahaha.. selamba gila.. fast forward again (tak ingat tarikh2 la..) i got into UKM bangi, after his kpm matric he got into UM.. by then we were really into each other.. cintan cintun pun susah jugak nak jumpa ye..

And on his graduation day, 5th August 2004, midweek (wednesday I think) I could not make it, but his family came over for dinner. Mula asalnya saja2 je, and his mom keep on saying 'nak kenal2' macam tu la.. but my Tok Chik (my Atuk's little bro) was hinting for a ring - mcm cincin merisik la.. hahahhahahaha.... sangat haru jugak la and turned out they were embarassed that his mom give money to my dear hubby to get me a merisik ring... and when was it given?? it was on my graduation day, 8th august 2004, right after i exited Dectar.. Yup, kt laman Dectar UKM tu... hehehehhehe... malu sihhh, though I dont think anyone notice (it was so hectic).. malu malu malu...

After that, merisik sudah, bertunang pulak.. sadly tak ingat tarikh (boleh tak..) ye la, nothing memorable about that sebab, somehow I hated the bright yellow-goldish dress that i wore.. plus i just recovered from denggi fever and apparently if you had had the drip, your skin would be really kusam and peeled!!!! anyways, i think its 12 or 14th December (not in the list at the beginning of this entry.. hahahaha sbb tak ingat la tu..) Dah bertunang tu, within 6 months I quit my job, started my masters in UKM (dok rumah, jimat.. hehehehe) and in the middle of the 1 year course kawin... yup, by the following december we are officially married..

Penat jugak wat summary of my life 1998-present.. ooppss tak present lagi.. Erm, since we got married, tak pernah pulak merancang2, lagi pun tinggal 1 sem je, kalau preggy pun mesti habis dulu insyaAllah, tapi perancangan dan ketentuan Allah itu lebih berkuasa. bila dah setahun baru pregnant, consequently I remember taking the pregnancy test on 4th december.. how excited we were.. terus siang tu g klinik, ye la, tak tau nak buat apa kan, tak da experience.. but the joy was not long when i had miscarriage.. not long after, i conceive again.. we were overjoyed again, and alhamdulillah dapat la Afnan. And that is why her name is so sentimental.. Nur Afnan Durrani (Cahaya Seri Permataku) Always thought that after this i wanted a child with a more 'powerful' name like Hafiz or Hafizah (yang hafal al-quran..) anyways, melalut la pulak..

Now that's 1998-present.. Harap2 cepat habis PhD nie, so boleh dapat Hafiz or Hafizah or Hafiz AND Hafizah... hehehehehe.. (k idamalina, am so lejes of u... hehehhehe)

Happy bday Pak Ngah..

Hmm.. yesterday 3 December 2009, was our 4th anniversary.. and today is my little bro's b-day.. happy 24th bday pak ngah (kata Afnan..)

Happy 4th Anniversary..

We were married at this very day (3rd December) 4 years ago.. Yup 4 years ago.. Rasa macam baru lagi.. Tambahan pulak tak penah dok sekali (in true sense, that is).. Dok sini, jauh dr family and mak bapak baru la.. Kuang..kuang..

Happy anniversary abang sayang, papa ku sayang, babang.. Though we have been married for 4 years, my heart has been your for much longer than that; 11 years to be exact.. I truly hope for many more years with you...

Moga kasih ini abadi hingga ke syurga..

My precious is down with cold.. Kesian dia.. Selama 6 bulan merantau nie, ini kes paling teruk sekali.. (dah paling, sekali lagi - stressing betapa teruknya dia..) Hingus meleleh, and everytime she sneezes, it would run down from her nose.. Terrible!! Sampai dia pandai minta tisu untuk lap hidung dia.. Other time, her nose ithes so badly that she tenyeh2 her nose so hard that it turns bright red.. My poor baby.. At night she could not sleep because her nose is too stuffy.. Serba tak kena, kejap nak baring, kejap nak dukung, kejap nak dukung baring etc2.. And she would cry sampai penat.. I was tired, my dear hubby himself wasn't feeling well himself, penat jugak.. Kesiannya dua2 kesayangan mama nie..

Oh ye, sambil2 batuk yang kuat macam nak keluar anak tekak dia, Afnan sempat jugak mintak bubble.. Dengan suara serak2 sengau dia, nak ' bubble'.. Hehehhe.. Since last Thursday, we went to Baby Toddler group kt Blenheim Primary School jam 1.30-3 pm.. We were lucky that a speech therapist came to give a talk ang give some tips on how to encourage our child to talk. So one way is to use communication temptation. Let say that you know your child loves playing with bubble. So let them play for a few minutes then take it away e.g close the bottle tight. So then they will try to open the bottle (hopefully unsuccessfully) and will have no choice but to ask for your help. It is then that you encourage then to say 'you want the bubbles?' or 'you want me to blow the bubbles?'' etc. Hehehhee.. So that's communication temptation..

Anyways, setakat ni walaupun tak berapa sihat, Afnan aktif je n takda la monyok or terlepek semacam je.. Minum susu ok lg.. Hopefully she will get better soon.. Please pray for her..

Hati sangat tersentuh apabila mengagahkan hati menonton video berkenaan cesarean section. That is what I have to go through to give birth to my daughter, and what my mom had to go through 3 times to get the 3 of us.. MasyaAllah, I only watch the first 5 seconds je before I shivered in fear.. Walaupun telah melalui and understood the processes but I could not bear to watch it. The fact that I cried non-stop throughout the operation did not help at all. No I did not cried because I was scared, more of feeling like a failure..

Salam Aidiladha..

What has happen in my life since my last entry?? Let see, give Afnan a haircut.. huhu.. kesian dia sebab senget2 skit, itu pun I distracted her while she's having her bath playing with bubbles.. Bubbles apa? I took some shower gel and put it in a beaker and filled it with water.. She is so easy to please! Even when she would shiver in cold.. Sanggup tu.. Anyways, it pained me to take the latest pic, so I am going to give it a couple more days to grow out of it a bit.. Raya nanti la nampaknya..

Anyways, speaking of raya, I would like to wish 'Salam Aidiladha' to everyone, though a bit prematurely.. A few more days to go. And not that I am excited or anything. We are a bit busy, my dear hubby with his assignments and me; when is the report going to be finalized?? Since the hari raya fell on Friday, I might go to school a bit later, after the prayer. Though I can access my pc, the connection is so slow, I could not think of anything could be as slow as that! Mengalahkan siput sedut! So I am better off at school.. Teringat kata-kata Ayah, once, when we happen to drop by Billion (depan rumah tu) and we saw some young couples with their families and young children (30's-mid 30's) eating happily in KFC (ada ke budak tak suka KFC kan..) Anyways, he said something like this, 'macam mana budak2 nak appreaciate hari raya etc, sedangkan parents tak didik.. hari raya pun makan KFC..' I guess that the bottom line is that parents should make efforts to at least masak2 and have some juadah raya, at least their children are aware of the festives and it should be an important occasion..

Hmm.. maybe I should not go to school on Friday.. then again, I am a student who is in a pseudo-stable conditions.. hehehhe.. Afnan, kita raya hari sabtu je boleh?? Sabtu AND Ahad.. Boleh kann..

Esok 19112009

Esok perlu mengadap lagi.. Let's hope the coffee that I drank from Sport's Direct huge mug will last the night..

Tetiba teringat yang aku baru dapat kad jemputan Boundary Mill.. hehehehe.. up to 75% less on Christmas gifts.. Kalau tak bagi kat orang pun bagi diri sendiri je la.. muahahahaha...

Pagi tadi bangun teringat nak makan nasi lemak walaupun kalau ikut plan menu yang aku buat kelmarin it should be a Sunday morning's breakfast. Tak kesah la sebab I made a quickie (yo la tu, bila emosi tak stabil, pikiran pun lebey kurang la..) So menu pagi tadi;

1. 3 pot nasi lemak (prepared with half tin of coconut milk, small slices of halia and salt to taste)

2. sambal udang (last of the large shrimps bought in kedai cina kt Manchester tempohari - cili serbuk so my sambal tak cantik langsung - no tumis2 naik minyak - whatever la)

3. telur mata kerbau - turned out that Afnan suka sangat sampai habis 1 biji telur tu (but truly in her fashion, makin skit letak balik @ bg kt mama and mintak balik dan ulang sampai telur tu habis) apa2 je la anakku asal mau makan..

Oleh kerana dah breakfast yang amat heavy (nasib baik tak ngantuk kt school) my dear hubby said to pack us a light lunch. Ye la, kenyangnya sampai tengahari.. So nak simple sangat amik croissant, belah n letak cheese je la n msk microwave to melt the cheese for a few second (by the time we eat it dah keras balik, tak la best sangat pun) Tapi heran jugak rasa cheese2 kt sini, sedap kalau panas2 n cair2 skit even the cheddar cheese yang i xbp berkenan (kt msia la, sini semua ok).

Baik la, hamba perlu kembali ke pangkal jalan (nak buat keje..) huhu.. Thank you dear hubby tolong tidurkan Afnan (ambil kesempatan tidur jgk tu..) Da..

p/s gambar ni just a reminder how thin I was.. courtesy of k jas if I am not mistaken sbb nie masa kt opis bgnn lama..