My precious is down with cold.. Kesian dia.. Selama 6 bulan merantau nie, ini kes paling teruk sekali.. (dah paling, sekali lagi - stressing betapa teruknya dia..) Hingus meleleh, and everytime she sneezes, it would run down from her nose.. Terrible!! Sampai dia pandai minta tisu untuk lap hidung dia.. Other time, her nose ithes so badly that she tenyeh2 her nose so hard that it turns bright red.. My poor baby.. At night she could not sleep because her nose is too stuffy.. Serba tak kena, kejap nak baring, kejap nak dukung, kejap nak dukung baring etc2.. And she would cry sampai penat.. I was tired, my dear hubby himself wasn't feeling well himself, penat jugak.. Kesiannya dua2 kesayangan mama nie..

Oh ye, sambil2 batuk yang kuat macam nak keluar anak tekak dia, Afnan sempat jugak mintak bubble.. Dengan suara serak2 sengau dia, nak ' bubble'.. Hehehhe.. Since last Thursday, we went to Baby Toddler group kt Blenheim Primary School jam 1.30-3 pm.. We were lucky that a speech therapist came to give a talk ang give some tips on how to encourage our child to talk. So one way is to use communication temptation. Let say that you know your child loves playing with bubble. So let them play for a few minutes then take it away e.g close the bottle tight. So then they will try to open the bottle (hopefully unsuccessfully) and will have no choice but to ask for your help. It is then that you encourage then to say 'you want the bubbles?' or 'you want me to blow the bubbles?'' etc. Hehehhee.. So that's communication temptation..

Anyways, setakat ni walaupun tak berapa sihat, Afnan aktif je n takda la monyok or terlepek semacam je.. Minum susu ok lg.. Hopefully she will get better soon.. Please pray for her..

Hati sangat tersentuh apabila mengagahkan hati menonton video berkenaan cesarean section. That is what I have to go through to give birth to my daughter, and what my mom had to go through 3 times to get the 3 of us.. MasyaAllah, I only watch the first 5 seconds je before I shivered in fear.. Walaupun telah melalui and understood the processes but I could not bear to watch it. The fact that I cried non-stop throughout the operation did not help at all. No I did not cried because I was scared, more of feeling like a failure..

Salam Aidiladha..

What has happen in my life since my last entry?? Let see, give Afnan a haircut.. huhu.. kesian dia sebab senget2 skit, itu pun I distracted her while she's having her bath playing with bubbles.. Bubbles apa? I took some shower gel and put it in a beaker and filled it with water.. She is so easy to please! Even when she would shiver in cold.. Sanggup tu.. Anyways, it pained me to take the latest pic, so I am going to give it a couple more days to grow out of it a bit.. Raya nanti la nampaknya..

Anyways, speaking of raya, I would like to wish 'Salam Aidiladha' to everyone, though a bit prematurely.. A few more days to go. And not that I am excited or anything. We are a bit busy, my dear hubby with his assignments and me; when is the report going to be finalized?? Since the hari raya fell on Friday, I might go to school a bit later, after the prayer. Though I can access my pc, the connection is so slow, I could not think of anything could be as slow as that! Mengalahkan siput sedut! So I am better off at school.. Teringat kata-kata Ayah, once, when we happen to drop by Billion (depan rumah tu) and we saw some young couples with their families and young children (30's-mid 30's) eating happily in KFC (ada ke budak tak suka KFC kan..) Anyways, he said something like this, 'macam mana budak2 nak appreaciate hari raya etc, sedangkan parents tak didik.. hari raya pun makan KFC..' I guess that the bottom line is that parents should make efforts to at least masak2 and have some juadah raya, at least their children are aware of the festives and it should be an important occasion..

Hmm.. maybe I should not go to school on Friday.. then again, I am a student who is in a pseudo-stable conditions.. hehehhe.. Afnan, kita raya hari sabtu je boleh?? Sabtu AND Ahad.. Boleh kann..

Esok 19112009

Esok perlu mengadap lagi.. Let's hope the coffee that I drank from Sport's Direct huge mug will last the night..

Tetiba teringat yang aku baru dapat kad jemputan Boundary Mill.. hehehehe.. up to 75% less on Christmas gifts.. Kalau tak bagi kat orang pun bagi diri sendiri je la.. muahahahaha...

Pagi tadi bangun teringat nak makan nasi lemak walaupun kalau ikut plan menu yang aku buat kelmarin it should be a Sunday morning's breakfast. Tak kesah la sebab I made a quickie (yo la tu, bila emosi tak stabil, pikiran pun lebey kurang la..) So menu pagi tadi;

1. 3 pot nasi lemak (prepared with half tin of coconut milk, small slices of halia and salt to taste)

2. sambal udang (last of the large shrimps bought in kedai cina kt Manchester tempohari - cili serbuk so my sambal tak cantik langsung - no tumis2 naik minyak - whatever la)

3. telur mata kerbau - turned out that Afnan suka sangat sampai habis 1 biji telur tu (but truly in her fashion, makin skit letak balik @ bg kt mama and mintak balik dan ulang sampai telur tu habis) apa2 je la anakku asal mau makan..

Oleh kerana dah breakfast yang amat heavy (nasib baik tak ngantuk kt school) my dear hubby said to pack us a light lunch. Ye la, kenyangnya sampai tengahari.. So nak simple sangat amik croissant, belah n letak cheese je la n msk microwave to melt the cheese for a few second (by the time we eat it dah keras balik, tak la best sangat pun) Tapi heran jugak rasa cheese2 kt sini, sedap kalau panas2 n cair2 skit even the cheddar cheese yang i xbp berkenan (kt msia la, sini semua ok).

Baik la, hamba perlu kembali ke pangkal jalan (nak buat keje..) huhu.. Thank you dear hubby tolong tidurkan Afnan (ambil kesempatan tidur jgk tu..) Da..

p/s gambar ni just a reminder how thin I was.. courtesy of k jas if I am not mistaken sbb nie masa kt opis bgnn lama..

Weekend activities..

Happy Monday morning.. Though its raining cat and dog, I do feel better a little bit.. What did I do over the weekend;

1. Saturday - went shopping at Castleford Junction 32 outlet.. What did I get? Plenty!! Kt Tefal outlet tengah sale, so I got compact sauce pan at £10.65. That was after 70% off!! Yeay! Feel good already!! Then we proceeded to Royal Doulton also ada sale.. Dengan tiba2 mata menjadi rambang sebab nampak royal albert old country roses, tp loose pieces la, but they are all 50% off.. I got me some cups and saucers and mugs (diorg panggil beaker- how scientific..) So dengan tiada rasa bersalahnya I went and pay and they are mine!! lalalalaala.. All this while my dear hubby and baby went off to other stores. So when I found them, I think he said something to induce me to announce how much I paid for the items (tak banyak sangat sebenarnya pun) but he smiled in disbelief.. Aiyoo.. I said betul la when he thought it was full price (said 'Lepas discount berapa').. Sangat2 "worth-buy" la.. Memang tak terkata la dia.. Its just that I am not the type yang akan spend duit bukan2 and am not high maintenance, sangat homey jugak orang nya, but this is just to show how much I wanted them.. Even my dear hubby admits that when buying things, I would always end up not buying them especially when I asked his opinion (even when he said OK), I would always keep saying to myself; 'Ok ke?'. So at that particular moment I did not think of asking for his opinion because of how strongly I felt, so that's a good enough reasoning.. ;p

2. Sunday - What did I do yesterday? Well, we just went grocery shopping at Asda.. Yes Asda la paling ok, Morrison and Tesco are not even close.. Ada la cerita nya but the bottom line is we are happier in Asda (En Asda boleh bagi discount tak??) Oh ye, went to Continental to but meat and poultry jugak la.. 3 baby chicken for £5.99, lamb and beef chop.. Rasa macam dah muak jugak la makan ayam, daging, kambing nie.. Nak jugak makan ikan, seafood2 yang best tu.. huhu... Oh ye, kenapa best sangat g Asda semalam, sebabnya, i was looking for shitake mushroom, baru teringat dalam hati nie, sekali lalu tepi of the isle, eh eh ada pulak shitake segar.. bukan kt msia jual yang kering je ker? So, malam tadi selamat la satu round of hot plate sizzling yee mien (resipe google je macam biasa) agak jadi la except for the sizzling part (mana ada plate tu, so makan mcm mee kuah je la..) Afnan pun suka (dia suka mee je, especially yang panjang2, kiri kanan dia pegang..

Anyways, sekian dulu cerita weekend saya.. anda pula bagaimana? ;p

This morning..

I am upset, when I found out today about a person bad mouthing other people. Especially if the person have access to your 'micro' details if you know what I mean. Taubat dah lepas nie I am not hiring a maid (though not sure what the future is like for me).. Itu lah, diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapak... Sabar je la for now, though the image will forever be tarnished by the mud she spreads..

googled pic..

Its only 4.22 pm and its dark outside and I found my mind wondering off thinking of the things that I would like to do.. Yup, my work is one of the things that would be in that category, nevertheless in the end I would always thought of my beautiful (in my eyes) baby girl. I hope that this recollection would be available when she is older so she could read it and somehow treasure it.

Back in my early years I have to admit going through tough teenage times that I felt so horrible, I never felt good about myself, always feeling self cautious and at times I do feel like I am depressed.. Seriously.. But somehow I outgrown the phase that no-know-nor-understand me and the world did seem like a better place. My lengthy introduction somehow does not fit the point that I am getting into.. Anyways, if one day Afnan is destined to read this, I just would like her to know that in the future, insyaAllah, sayang, you could always come to me for ANYTHING.. Talk or what ever it is that you need.

Anyways, I have heard of mother's unconditional love and I understand it when I had Afnan. I never know that I had this much love to give to another human being.. I felt fulfill just by loving her and attend to her needs. Its amazing that I can hardly believe it. I was and will always be overwhelmed especially having her grow right in front of me.

Afnan is always my first priority and I could not imagine having to part with her. I remembered having to attend BTN course that took like 6 days or something, I was worried sick. Especially prior to leaving her behind with my dear hubby she had signs of fever. Little that I know that over the course of my absence, and when I got back she got progressively sicker and sicker. It broke my heart when I came back and wanted to greet her she looked at me with her huge eyes, crying as if she was terrified of me. I do think it was because she missed me so much, hearing my voice calling out to her, she was plain surprised as we did talk on the phone without failing at least 2-3 times a day. Nevertheless, it hurts so badly that I broke down and cried. It just hurt me so bad that she looks as if she did not recognize me. To add to the open wound, she continued having fever and later on diagnosed with HFMD - hand foot and mouth disease. Her apetite deteriorated, it was hard enough to feed her milk or solid food without her mom having to 'bersilat' segala. I remembered taking the rest of the week off.. Dah la cuti tak banyak..

Anyways, the bottom line is after that, I would always make sure that I would always bring her along wherever that I go and so far I have managed that. Coming here for my PhD, my helper is due to go back in 3 weeks time and my dear hubby and I are starting to discuss and do things on our own in terms of how we are going to manage without a helper of course. My parents are coming in January next year insyaAllah, so we have a month of independence.. I do thing that we can manage.. InsyaAllah.. Though my dear hubby's schedule is a bit tight but it will be temporary..

So dear Afnan, Siti Solehah, Sayang mama, Kebi Papa, behave ye.. jangan nakal-nakal.. Walaupun suara mama kuat bila cakap dengan Afnan, itu adalah volume sahaja yang mama memang tak boleh nak control, bukan sebab mama tak sayang kat Afnan, tapi sebab mama dah terbiasa cakap kuat.. Sorry in advance ye..

Ya Allah, Permudahkanlah urusan kami sekeluarga..

..:: d|*.*|b ::..

I need to reorganize my thoughts.. Plan my tasks.. Most of all know WHAT I am doing..

Ya Allah.. Permudahkanlah urusan ku.. Hanya pada Mu tempat aku memohon bantuan dn perlindungan..

Minggu lepas dan minggu ini..

I have not been able to think up of appropriate topic to write, but it will definitely on top of my list as I progress for this entry. Earlier last week was hectic for me, kesian kt both of my babies at home.. Mama busy, stress semua ada. Masa sangat mencemburui mama, since the day are getting shorter and shorter (especially after turning the clock back) and sleeping time gets longer and longer.. Even masa meeting on Thurday, mama memang dah redha takda progress and serah kepala mahu dipancung sahaja. Thank god for my third sv that seems to be able to keep the meeting ambiance cheerful and stress free though inside my head dah serabut selirat semua ada.. I must have given such bad impressions, but I dont care about it anymore.. But in spite of the disasterous meeting, I was able to overcome the problem and obtained the solution by noon Friday.. lalalalalalala.. And prior to weekend retreat I was able to submit the data analysis, comparisons etc etc and email them to my dear sv and dengan senang hatinya bercuti-cutian weekend tersebut.. lalallala..

Saturday - Went for a short trip to Manchester to pick-up a 32" sony trinitron bulky tv hubby won on my behalf on ebay... £27.00.. lalalala.. Tapi berat tak hengat.. Dah la siap dengan tv stand dia.. Waduh2.. So kami g berdua je.. Ingat on the way back mahu singgah itu Jazira for the nasi arab, but after having to battle the high curb (rumah mamat tu takda jln proper; from main road - sidewalk - masuk trus lama dia) dah tu reverse2 skit, dah bunyi gelas from the tv stand bergegar.. cancel la Jazira, we went straight home.. Nak mengangkat tv ke our flat on 1st floor was another story.. Sib baik ada member sebelah yang boleh tolong..

Sunday - haaa Sunday oredi.. Aktiviti berehat2 je la.. Ai masak nasi beriani brand Shan.. ye rempah siap jer.. Nanti2 la nak buat rempah sendiri.. Yang tak best nyer, beriani ayam tends to disintegrate, tension makcik.. Whatever la, pasni taknak buat beriani ayam dah.. Lamb je hoccay..

Sunday night - tergerak hati nak bukak email uni pmrar tu.. Ish ish.. ada reply dr sv yang mengatakan ada kesilapan in my work. Tensionya sampai rasa nak bukak trus remote desktop tp memikirkan it might take a while, I decided against it. I knew what it could do, I could not sleep until I settled it and I will suffer the after effect so have to wait until next morning la.. huhu.. nasib baik tak bukak email tu awal2 or else there will not be the lalalalla weekend no..

So, by Monday, I have corrected the mistake (silly algebra -/+ symbol only maa..) now I am on the roll.. At this moment I am waiting for Asar at 13.50pm (another hour to go).. Then I am going back upstairs for another dose of Hysys..

Siti Solehah.. Mama Solehah..

Dua minggu lepas kami ada pergi jalan2 ke Manchester.. Besh2 sebab ada orang bwk jalan.. tq..tq..