Voidage is the ratio of free volume over total volume.

Sudah masuk masak kecederaan ni..

Meetings dah diubah ke Tuesdays now.. Bukan Thursdays lagi.. Panic sangat..

Erm.. Sometimes we plan something and it did not work out as we had hope because Allah wants something better for us.

I planned for chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and Conclusion. But 5 and 6 might be combined. I barely start 7, which is the new 6. Pening wal pusing.

Tiket untuk ke destinasi conference dah ditempah. Esok hotel pulak. Tetiba rasa xda semangat pulak.. Need to be positive!! I want to go home!!!

Ps- i dont read back what i wrote as i know the bits and pieces might not always have connection with each other thus might not make much sense. Its just the things that pop inside my mind..

Oh my Gucci! Berangan! Selagi xhabis, pakai je faux leather handbag (synthetic/plastic). Better yet, rendam sikit the pink Puma ngsn clorox, mesti cun. Thats why i like lv sbb dia xsale. Jadi xkan ralat kalau bags full price.

Macam ni rasanya buat phd.. Bila rasa terjatuh off of a cliff macam dlm movie, fell and fell tapi still xkena tanah.. Terkapai2.. Teringat pesan mak, bila kita sedih xda siapa boleh bantu, hanya pada Allah tempat kita mengadu..

PhD is a journey; for a certificate, whatever awaits bila balik nanti, most importantly a process of self discovery. Initially i thought of it of something that makes me put my life on hold but its not. It is life, the path that was chosen for me by Allah. Sometimes ada rasa yang dah tak larat sangat, tp bila fikir sikit je lagi. I did not even know what it meant..

One of the lowest point in my phd life by strings of events; virus, no back up, failed hard disk, failure to reinstall the software I am using. And the cream topping it off my fob was deactivated.

Semua ok dpt diatasi Alhamdulillah though just using a spare pc. Then xboleh remote desktop, gastric tp still gagahkan diri pegi troubleshoot. Then I got fruity pavlova on top of the cream tadi; my main file xboleh buka. Build sana build baru lama whatever and mmg menekan butang shutdown pc otakku la.. Became sleepy and slept through the day sampai cik abg sayang pun heran, apsal asyik tidur je.. Bila google, rupanya mmg ada drowsy from stress and it make you sleepy all day.

So thats last week; the last week of being a 3rd year phd student. This week the file problem still xresolve but I dont want to waste anymore time so buat balik je la the WHOLE thing. Camt bear anymore heartache..

Harapnya hari mendatang ini akan diberi kekuatan, kesabaran untuk menghadapi sebarang dugaan..

Its Friday 07062012 and lets start a new page (thesisthesisthesis)

Di persimpangan dilema.
Time is running out.
Panicked inside, dan ianya terzahir.
Dah tak sabar nak balik, kalau boleh seawal mungkin.
Limbo is the state that I am in.
Suntikan semangat dah diterima, tp rasa masih tersekat.
Ada something.
Banyak benda nak kena fikir, perlu disenarai menurut kepentingan, keperluan dan keinginan and topped of with rational justification..

These are just random thoughts playing in my mind..

Nak phd nak balik nak submit nak lulus je..

Bila dengar or baca kisah apa2 samada baik or buruk, kita boleh bermuhasabah dgn mengaitkannya dgn kita sendiri. Perlu ambil iktibar..
*semua ni dicoret dgn intonasi yg mellow & insaf.. :)

Bila kita terjatuh its natural to look up to see where we should be. But, to be there we should look down to see where we should go.

Bila kita rasa down, kita akan rasa apa yg orang lain ada tu sgt best. Apa yg patut kita buat ialah tgk orang lain yang takda apa yg kita ada. Allah maha adil, kelebihan orang dr satu segi, kekurangan dia kt tpt lain. Macam kita sendiri, kelebihan tu kadang2 kita tak nampak, tp mungkin org lain nampak. Kita je yg rasa susah. Subhanallah Allah menempatkan semua pada tempatnya. Banyak sangat telah terbukti.
Perlu bersyukur atas apa yg kita ada, pesanan pada hati sendiri. Mungkin kita xfinancially stable but are debt free. Rezeki dpt anak yang sihat, hati tenang (wpun bila fikir pasal phd jd xtenang). Oh ye, harap2 dia dpt faham mama dia yg weng. Harap2 bila everything is settled i could make up for loss time. I really hope that i could be better mother. Am not doing such a good job right now.. :(

Under the radar unnoticed..

I just want to get by!

Uninspired

I am upset and angry.

Should not be all that.

Have to redha, something better will come along.

But its hard! Accepting it as the weakness of being hamba Allah..