selective memory effect post partum!

all these while after giving birth to afnan, i have always thought the quality of my memory has gone down. i remembered being so absent minded, struggling to study for ielts, suffering through the exams, having reduced memory and could not recall things etc. this morning i was thinking about that again and being pregnant again i was afraid that my memory along with the iq would go down further. then it hit me, if it was as bad as i thought, how could i remember EVERY single thing about the baby then; for example each cloths, shirts and pants and dresses bought or given as gifts? because i could, and still can now! well maybe the professional part of the brain has shifted to other more important things like family amd children which is equally demanding. remember that having babies you have to be superorganised! all the suits needs to be folded together, the socks and mittens too or else!!

## amazed at the typos with 2 thumbs.. will correct it if i realised it but faham2 je la if its not!

Of pregnancy

I have officially completeted 18 weeks today. Alhamdulillah.. it seems quicker these days with no/less complications than the first trimester..

We first found out that I was pregnant in the first week of January if I am not mistaken. I had about 3 days of spotting and then it stopped. I felt weird so I used the upt and got the biggest surprise!! 2 lines! We were over the moon!

However about a week later I started to have some spotting. I was re-living a nightmare. No, make it 2 nightmares! Both times i got pregnant before I have experience this same thing, its just the first one it ended up with a miscarriage and the second time it was successful with Afnan. My thoughts at the time, and I still remember it vividly, was that i only had a 50/50 % chance this time. And though we were over the moon, we were quite reserved about the news.

A couple of things that were reassuring about the pregnancy was that at 5.5 weeks we had an appointment withearly pregnancy unit for an ultrasound and the sonographer reported that she could not find the cause of the bleeding as everything looked normal AND that there was already a HEARTBEAT!!! Alhamdulillah.. Oh and the second reassuring fact was that my morning sickness which was in the form of extreme loya and mual were constant and consistent.. alhamdulillah.. well, its to the point that i had to use the motion sickness band usually usually used by fishermen to overcome seasick. it really works, amazing..

Alhamdulillah the bleeding stops after the first trimester.. maybe its just going to happen to me with all pregnancy, only Allah knows. We would just accept the outcomes as it is.. I pray for a further complication-less pregnancy and hopefully after the viva i would be able to concentrate with the preparation birth etc.. I know how unprepared I was previously, from birth right to confinement.. :)

Wish me luck!!

From mobile

wee hoo! i am now able to blog from my mobile phone. just did not understand why i was not able to do so before.

Assalamualaikum...

 

Mid of April 2013 already!

 

I seriously cannot remember the last time I posted an entry!

 

A few big events:

 

1. Came home - yeay!!

 

2. A new member of the family is coming - double yeay!!!

 

 

Hanya Allah mampu mengubat hati..

Some people cant help pushing all the wrong button, its disgusting..

Phd update

Yes, I have not been writing for a while. I am too pre-occupiedwith alot ofthings; namely my phd, whatelse is new?

Summary of the past couple of months; submitted abstract for 2 conferences and both accepted; 1 for oral and optional paper for proceedings and the other is poster with option to submit to a special issue of Fuel (high impact). So the paper to the first conference was prepared, submitted and had 'major' correction, but turned out I had to rebut their comments, i didi not make any major correction and it was accepted.
I was thinking earlier; the first time O received their reply wrt the abstract I was crushed with their harsh comments. I was really down but after about a week or so I was able to overcome it and wrote back and it was accepted. After submitting the full paper I got a reply; I was again crushed with but not as bad as the first time, it tooke me about 2 days to recover amd was able to rebut the reviewer's comments. Now i am nervous going to the conference not so much on doing the presentation but the 5 minutes q&a session. What if the questions hurt my feelings and i am not able to answer it properly? Am i going to take 2 days to answer? What if its my actual viva? How am i going to answer especially harsh comments?? All this while I know the answers as its my work, but what if when i explain, people dont understand? What if the examiner dont understand during the viva and he's not satisfied etc etc etc... I am full of worries and i overthink. To top this all, i recieved an email earlier saying that i can do an oral presentation instead of poster if i wanted to.

Thats the beginning of my agitation..

Voidage is the ratio of free volume over total volume.

Sudah masuk masak kecederaan ni..

Meetings dah diubah ke Tuesdays now.. Bukan Thursdays lagi.. Panic sangat..

Erm.. Sometimes we plan something and it did not work out as we had hope because Allah wants something better for us.

I planned for chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and Conclusion. But 5 and 6 might be combined. I barely start 7, which is the new 6. Pening wal pusing.

Tiket untuk ke destinasi conference dah ditempah. Esok hotel pulak. Tetiba rasa xda semangat pulak.. Need to be positive!! I want to go home!!!

Ps- i dont read back what i wrote as i know the bits and pieces might not always have connection with each other thus might not make much sense. Its just the things that pop inside my mind..

Oh my Gucci! Berangan! Selagi xhabis, pakai je faux leather handbag (synthetic/plastic). Better yet, rendam sikit the pink Puma ngsn clorox, mesti cun. Thats why i like lv sbb dia xsale. Jadi xkan ralat kalau bags full price.

Macam ni rasanya buat phd.. Bila rasa terjatuh off of a cliff macam dlm movie, fell and fell tapi still xkena tanah.. Terkapai2.. Teringat pesan mak, bila kita sedih xda siapa boleh bantu, hanya pada Allah tempat kita mengadu..

PhD is a journey; for a certificate, whatever awaits bila balik nanti, most importantly a process of self discovery. Initially i thought of it of something that makes me put my life on hold but its not. It is life, the path that was chosen for me by Allah. Sometimes ada rasa yang dah tak larat sangat, tp bila fikir sikit je lagi. I did not even know what it meant..

One of the lowest point in my phd life by strings of events; virus, no back up, failed hard disk, failure to reinstall the software I am using. And the cream topping it off my fob was deactivated.

Semua ok dpt diatasi Alhamdulillah though just using a spare pc. Then xboleh remote desktop, gastric tp still gagahkan diri pegi troubleshoot. Then I got fruity pavlova on top of the cream tadi; my main file xboleh buka. Build sana build baru lama whatever and mmg menekan butang shutdown pc otakku la.. Became sleepy and slept through the day sampai cik abg sayang pun heran, apsal asyik tidur je.. Bila google, rupanya mmg ada drowsy from stress and it make you sleepy all day.

So thats last week; the last week of being a 3rd year phd student. This week the file problem still xresolve but I dont want to waste anymore time so buat balik je la the WHOLE thing. Camt bear anymore heartache..

Harapnya hari mendatang ini akan diberi kekuatan, kesabaran untuk menghadapi sebarang dugaan..

Its Friday 07062012 and lets start a new page (thesisthesisthesis)